I have been married for a little over a month now. Things have been a little crazy but starting to settle down. Now, i have to admit that I do almost all of the cleaning, cooking, paying the bills myself. When a family member asked who does all that stuff, I said we share some stuff cause I like to cook and be organized. She basically negated that and said i dont know what im doing and I dont clean things right. She gives me NO Credit!! granted yea, I was not the pro as to how to clean and what to use to clean. But eventually I learned how to clean and have been teaching myself how to cook healthy meals and meals that I can take left overs to work. I really want to share with you what she does and I hope Im not the one thats crazy.
In the morning, she takes an hour shower(nice water bill, but whatever) she leaves her cloths and wet towel on the bed when there is a darn basket like 2 feet from the bed she could just throw in there, and the wet towel on the bed is so annoying cause it makes the bed smell. During the day, she always says she doesnt have time to talk or do anything cause she is so busy.. I went to her work yesterday and i literally was there for 20 minutes and saw not 1 person come in and no pile of work on her desk. When we get home(most times me before her). She stays in her work cloths and hangs out on the couch and watches her recorded TV(which I like but I dont give a sh*t about). I cook dinner, she comes from a family that can cook and she is a VERY picky eater. Im no flipping Chef Ramsey or anything but I think my food is ok. She critizes my food mostly, unless its a brownie or something easily made(apparently I can’t f*ck that up). I mean I dont ask her to help me cook but maybe help me do the dishes so I can sit down and relax or cook one night for me. By about 9pm she already heads off to bed and leaves me there cleaning up and getting stuff ready for us in the morning.(sex life, whats that?? We only did it like 3 times when we were on our Honeymoon trip to Rome, Italy, mostly she was too tired, only one time she wore something sexy for me) When I complain to her about it she says I throw a tantrum like a girl or Im more like a girl than she is. I mean seriously if I was like her, our place would be a disaster 24/7. Anyway, i also find it funny that she buys this sexy stuff from victorias secret(not just underwear, like lingerie stuff) ad she never wears it for me. Its kinda weird. Obviously I know there is nothing going on behind my back. i know she loves me and all but Ive been stressed out with all the work and Im really starting to feel like im the slave. Well we obviously have been in a fight since sunday pretty much. I kinda went crazy this morning because she had an hour to get to work and get ready and I was already late and she told me I had to take out out our dog when I was already late from picking up my boss(we carpool, and Im late a lot of times because of this). Ive gotten in trouble a few times because of this reason. I know mostly my fault cause I dont get up at 5am so i can do all this stuff before I leave for work right?? Im the as*hole?? I take them out every morning and get up extra early to do it.. She only does when she has like 3 hours before work or its a saturday and Im working in the morning.
Does anybody else think Im nuts or is she being a spoiled brat, doesnt ralize how good she has it? I seriously for one day would love to video-tape her andshow her exact what she does all the time.
Honestly I would never ever complaign if she just showed a little bit of appreciation or showed me how much she loves me lately.
We are so early into our marriage(been dating for 5 years, engaged for 1 1/2 years) that we have been fighting like this and here Im the one feeling like I am the jerk and treat her like crap.
Anybody have any suggestions?
Rose.. Yes I do the Laundry, Do the Dishes, Take out the Trash. Yes I need to nip it in the butt for sure. I really can not give her much credit for some of any of those things as I do it 98.9% of the time. Rarely its her.
Ohh also Im getting yelled at by my family that we have no sent out thank you cards yet for our gifts. Im half tempted to write my family and friends cards and say to heck with her family.
Today I decided to stand up for myself and Im gonna do exactly what she does everyday I and see what she does. This morning I left my cloths in the bathroom, my wet towel went on the bed. im not coming home tonight cause Im gonna help my boss move some stuff and head up to the bar for a few drinks.( I need some me time and maybe to chill out and re-evaluate what i need to do)
Sorry for the long story btw
bayou_babe1111 - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
it sounds like she thinks that if you choose to do those things when you get home – thats your choice. she chooses to sit & watch tv. she’s a spoiled bitch & as long as you continue to do everything, why would she have to get off her ass & help? i can tell you this though, the first year, no matter how long you’ve previously been together, is the hardest. thats when your figuring out whose responsibilities are what, etc. hang in there – it’ll get better!
December M - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
I’m bored, but not THAT BORED. Next time try giving us the condensed version.
Here’s your suggestion, try to keep your questions under 6 sentences
ouragon - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
She’s a manipulative user.
Learn to use paragraphs.
Truey - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
She’s spoiled, you’re immature. Welcome to marriage.
Marriage is a lifetime pursuit, and you are just getting started. These are minor issues and not at all uncommon among newlyweds. Both of you will undergo a lot of changes in the first couple of years, and you’ll still have to reinvent yourselves every decade or so. Don’t stress, just start working on the differences, one at a time. Congratulations on your wedding, by the way.
Valerie X Account #22! - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
We both work but my husband pays all the bills. We have a VERY good life as he has worked for IBM these last 20 years as an engineer.
What I earn i spend half on myself, and extras for the boys, and I do save some of it for the benefit of the family.
All housework is mine.
We both cook, but the kitchen cleaning is my responsibility.
Yard, garage and car maintenance is my husbands to do.
My sons, who are 12 & 14, also have household chores.
While my husband consults me on most things, he is the Head of the family, and will make the final decision, should we have a stalemate.
I am the heart of the home, responsible for the nurturing of our family.
Shαnnδn - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
You need to start standing up for yourself in all aspects of your life.
You need ‘bottom lines’ of what you will and won’t tolerate otherwise people will walk all over you for forever.
Even though you ‘do everything’ eventually your wife is going to leave you since she doesn’t and won’t have any respect for you.
It would be easy to say ‘just get out now’ but then you won’t improve yourself at all.
Accept divorce as a very likely outcome then get to work on yourself and once you have that underway sit her down and tell her things must change.
♥Invisible Pink Unicorn♥ - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
The 1st year of marriage is the absolute hardest – it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other once you start to co-habitat things change -
Give it time things DO get better if you stay committed and patient with each other -
I didn’t live with my husband 1st either and it took time to get into a routine 3yrs later its as if we’ve been living together for 15 -
εїз Butterflies εїз - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
Well one thing: You didn’t name ANYTHING good that she does, all it was was complaints…so is it possible that you are leaving something out? BC what you are saying is,
My wife never cleans and tells me im doing it wrong, she never cooks and tells me im doing it wrong, she doesn’t give me any s e x, she doesn’t pay for any of the bills, she ignores or lies to me while she is at work, she doesnt take care of our dog unless im not there to do it, and all she does is watch tv and work and sleep.
So is that really how it is? (just wanted to kind of clear it up, BC i know that humans when they get upset seem to lose sight of anything another person does)
If so, then, you need to talk to her about it, if nothing happens then just cook and clean for yourself and get some mags, if you know what i mean, let her see them too, and when she complains about it all be like, "I need to be satisfied too" "I’m not going to cook and clean for you all of the time and you never for me"
RoseBud - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
First off I have to say, this is why people need to live together for at least a year before they get married.
Other than that, I’m with you. Wet towel on the bed? Gross. You do the cooking, the dishes, the dog walking and she basically lets you wait on her?
Ok, it’s true- really true- that people do not notice the work other people do as much as they notice the work they do. It’s true in every situation. So, in this case I want to ask- who does the laundry, who does the shopping, who takes out the trash? If she does those things then give her credit for it. If not, then your wife is a lazy woman.
It actually sounds like maybe she has been spoiled her whole life. Did her mom always do these things for her? Did she have a maid?
You honestly have to nip this in the bud now. I promise you that any chore you make a habit of doing now will be yours forever. When I first moved in with my husband (then boyfriend) I was trying to be sweet and helpful and I ended up doing a LOT of chores. I do the dishes, the laundry, take out the trash, do all of the shopping except for food, clean the house, change the bed, care for the plants, and care for the cats. I would dearly love to NOT be doing all of that but it’s "my job" now. It gets entrenched and you can’t get out of it. So, get out of it now while you can. Fortunately my husband does the food shopping, cooks dinner, and makes the bed 5 days a week (on the weekend it’s my job). I thank him for everything he does, every day, and he thanks me for doing the laundry. So, that helps.
Perhaps you should drape her wet towel over her clothes in her closet. That should get her to hang it up in the bathroom!
Seriously though, do this now. You won’t be able to do it later.
Good luck!
Mrs. Showers - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
you need to talk to her about this. this is the type of thing that if it is not said can lead to a divorce. Me and my husband made an agreement on who would do what. I clean the house and do the laundry and cook. He cleans the car, does the dishes, and gives our dog baths. All the other stuff just seems to get done one way or another. If you think your wife is not dressing sexy maybe look at yourself, are you looking very GQ? i know i feel like dressing a lot sexier when i know my hubby looks good. A quick fix for the towel on the bed thing and her long shower, maybe take a shower together that way you can take care of both towels and have a little fun before work, wink wink. Hope this helps and you and your "spoiled" wife have a long happy life together!!!
bluesky9 - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
You need to get a backbone…she’s walking all over you, but you have only yourself to blame.
She sounds manipulative & selfish and you allow it. She needs to be put in her place and pull her weight too. Marriage is hard work…..anyone who says otherwise is full of it. So stop complaining and be a man!
Verbal - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
DUDE, she is going to do whatever you let her get away with!!! Your the man and the woman of the house!!! Do not have kids by this lady!!!! Look how she would raise them if you was not around!!!!! Tell her to get her feet off of your back, YOU NOT A DOORMAT!!!!! You need to kick her @ss out for a while so she can appreciate how good of a man you are to her!!!!!
DK41 - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
Oh boy.
First thing to do is politely and calmly sit the wife down and explain to her all the things that are bothering you. Ask her what it is that the pair of you can do to straighten it out. First and foremost there should always be communication in a relationship (any kind of relationship) and if she tries to buck up when you try to talk with her then you need to remind her of this fact.
Next, if communication fails again and again, STOP doing what you are doing. If she wants to be a slob let her. Let the house get run down, pay your bills only. Hell if my mate made me angry enough I would let the damn utilities get turned off just to illustrate my point.
As far as sex goes, damn I am so tired of hearing men cry about this. Listen, a woman wants sex too. If you are any kind of a lover hold out on her! Turn the table! I would be extremely hurt if my mate withheld from me!
All else fails try marriage counseling.
Best of luck!
Work that Hammer - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
Yeah, well, anyway, for Halloween my vwife is going to dress up like a little girl with the cute dress and saddle shoes and I’m going to strip naked and put on my roller blades. I’ll go as her pull-toy.
So that is who pulls what at my hovse…
ĿỉÅFâ„¢ coming back to Phu Quoc ↕ - said
August 4 2010 @ 08:38
Too long.
But to answer the initial question…my husband pulls most of the weight around my house…and I AM talking about pounds here…
Nursery Admissions - http://indian-citizen-forum.com/forum_topics.asp?FID=38&title=nursery-admissions-in-delhi-schools said
September 6 2010 @ 00:42
this posts contradicts