1-My husband is very obese. He snores so heavily that not only we sleep in separate rooms, but also our neighbor in the apartment just moved out because of his noise. He is 5’9 and 264 pounds. I am petite, 5’4 and 116 pounds. I cook healthy delicious food every day, but no matter how much I have encouraged him so far, he doesn’t want to lose weight. He chooses to eat take aways, lots of sugar and cakes, smokes, never exercises, and basically he is very unhealthy. I watch what I eat, exercise 3 times a week and walk for 1 hour daily. I bought many self-help books, recorded special weight loss TV programs for him to watch, talked to him many times about his health, invited some personal trainers to our house to encourage him, booked him an appointment with a doctor, signed him for gym. But no matter what, he doesn’t have the will power or the motivation and I think he is addicted to food and doesn’t want to change anything.
What else can I do??????
2- He doesn’t have motivation or a goal in his life and that bothers me a lot. He has strange habits, like watching TV 24 hours a day when he is at home on weekends and right after he comes back from work. I think that’s an addiction too. He is not into any other hobby. He doesn’t have ambitions in his life. He is very unsuccessful in his jobs, only works in shops and retail stores with no determination to get better or aim higher or learn anything basically. I am very different. I am studying for a PhD in Genetics. Apart from that I have so many ambitions. I have passion to learn something different every day, not just in Genetics but every different subject. Basically his life is like a walking dead to me, although he seems happy with his habits. I suggested maybe he is depressed and want to see a doctor, but he is reluctant to talk to a counselor or admit that he might be depressed. To be honest his whole family is like this, so I am guessing he will never change and it’s just the way he was raised. I have tried a lot to talk to him and find out what it is he may really want in his heart, apparently he wants money, big house, big car, big TV but doesn’t have the motivation to do something about it.
Do you think there is a hope in this life? Is there a way I haven’t tried yet???? To be honest I am not happy at all. I think I made a very big mistake marrying him, don’t ask me why I married him, it was a long-distance relationship, blah blah,,, but what about now? Now that I have realized after 3 years of marriage, this is it. Can I do anything to make my marriage better. I still have hope that maybe I can motivate him???
Cara Anderson - said
May 18 2011 @ 14:09
The only question you should ask yourself is:
Should I stay long enough to collect the health insurance when he dies?
It’s a sad realization that you know your husband will never change, and especially so early on in your marriage. I also have been married for 3 years, and I can feel in my heart, the desperation you have to make this work out.
The effort you have put in him to change is astounding and amazingly far beyond what anyone can do. It’s really up to your husband now.
You didn’t marry him to be his nurse, his mommy, or his personal conscience and doctor…he’s not keeping his end of the bargain to be your companion and partner.
He’s not treating you like his wife, just as much as he’s not treating himself with any dignity.
His motivation might be to win you back, should you decide on divorcing him.
There’s NOTHING you can do…you’ve tried EVERYTHING that is realistically possible for you to do.
Now it’s time to concentrate on yourself and making yourself and your future a happy one. Do you know where to find a good lawyer?
Maybe telling him that you’re considering a divorce, and having a talk about it might be the push he needs.
In the beginning God created evolution. - said
May 18 2011 @ 14:09
Demand couples counseling. If he won’t go, tell him to stop being a selfish, childish, spoiled brat and to think about the relationship or to pack his sh*t and get out.
This is a serious problem. The fact that he’s so adamantly set AGAINST getting into shape or compromising is alarming. He may be severely depressed, or he may just be a selfish jerk, I don’t know the guy. But this is a problem and it will fester and damage your relationship. If he cannot see that, go to therapy yourself.
RuthAnn - said
May 18 2011 @ 14:09
U sound like a winner and he sounds like a looser. I very seldom say this to anyone on here, but maybe U should consider a life without him? Maybe U could be a "poster child" for long distance relationships not working out so well, and give talks to teens at high schools. Seriously U have to look out of yourself at this point. The list of corrections is way too long here. Good luck sweetheart..