We will have been together about 3 years when we marry in October, and I very much love him and am happy in the relationship.
When we first met, FH was fairly active as a bodybuilder (natural, no ‘roids) and was a very muscular 6’2" 260lbs. He wasn’t ‘cut’ and had a bit of belly fat (beer) but overall was very fit. I found him very sexy then.
Flash forward – he’s now started being more into martial arts and running, and less weightlifting, and has gotten down to about 220 lbs. He seems to feel much better about himself now, but I think he may have developed a complex about weight and ‘feeling fat’.
He is constantly moaning to me about how fat he thinks he is (he’s not – has lil’ love handles, but that’s it). Especially about how ‘fat’ he thinks he was. ("I used to be so disgusting"). There’s a lot of negative emotion there.
He will ask me questions like ‘Do you find me attractive, or do you think I’m fat?" I’ll tell him that I think he’s sexy, and he’ll come right back at me with something like "Well, you thought I was fat before though, didn’t you" or some stuff like that, which is preposterous.
I am a very supportive partner, and have NEVER made any negative comment about his weight. Ever. I honestly have always found him sexy, with either body style.
How can I get this through his head, and get him to stop obsessing?
I don’t think I’m influencing him – I’m not neurotic about weight/food – I’m an active size 6 who loves to cook and ride bikes. I try to cook healthy meals for us, and maintain a sane attitude about food and eating.
ronnny - said
August 25 2010 @ 18:59
find a few friends and such to tell him that he is looking good the way he is and don’t loose to much more. Just reinforcement from others around him. I am 5-8 and 190 with just a little belly from beer so 220 at that height might be about right.
rd
SETH. Dad-to-be x2 ♀ ♀ - said
August 25 2010 @ 18:59
Sometimes people just won’t listen but the best you can do is keep telling him.
Poppy - said
August 25 2010 @ 18:59
He’s a bodybuilder. That’s what they do. He’ll be doing this the rest of his life and at some point you will become disgusted with it. I’d rethink getting married.
golfgirl3 - said
August 25 2010 @ 18:59
Sounds like he has mental issues with his weight which could lead to worse conditions like Bulemia or Anorexia. I would get him counseling or a nutritionist for his birthday. Or do an intervention and get the boy some help before you marry.
DC Maximus - said
August 25 2010 @ 18:59
Hey! I’m 6’2", weigh 233 and am BUFF. Tell him that DC says its OK.
Bellatrix - said
August 25 2010 @ 18:59
I do love martial artists and they are built like gymnists…
Insist that you loved his appearance then and now.. Why does he keep looking to the past trying to dig up negativity?
Point it out to him that if he didnt like it before that he’s changed it so whats the issue? 6’2" 220 is super…
Maybe back in the day he just thought he was the shiznit and now has realized it was "goofy"? But it sounds like he’s beyond all that so you’ve got to find a way to point him to the future.. and throw in the occational positive comment and ask that he stop putting words in yout mouth about what you thought before etc etc..
If you think it would be funny, return the treatment and blab some about how disgustiung you are/were and maybe he’ll take the hint..
100% Scorpio - said
August 25 2010 @ 18:59
Just keep supporting him…let him know he is hot!
If he feels he needs to improve.. then let him.. it cant hurt him at all!